I wonder what their first thought is when they hear my name. Usually I know what I hope it is or rather what I hope it is not. Maybe it isn’t a thought, but a feeling.

I am confident that when you hear my name you immediately think about a mutual friend we lost. The last time we hung out it was our trio. I know you adore me as I do you. Miles and months will never change how much I love you.

You might hate me. And that’s ok. I hurt you more than once. I never meant to, I had to. You and I were toxic to each other. One of us had to stop the cycle. I did it.

Ahh sweet jealousy. Hearing my name evokes lots of memories I’m sure. Such a bitch, you were. Thank you for teaching me to have a backbone.

Person E. I have no words. Anger, love, sadness… I know it can’t be explained.

When my life ends I don’t want to be a handful of good times that leaves mixed emotions and unfinished conversations. I want to be more.

Think of me when you smell an old book. Touch the pages. Look at the dedication if there is one – those can be so intimate and funny at time.

Think of me when you smell coffee brewing. You know I love it hot and straight up. It’s one of the things that I love most about mornings.

Think of me when you hear a song and you can’t wait to share it with someone. You know how much I love to sing.

Think of me when it’s raining at 2am and you can’t sleep. I wouldn’t have been sleeping either. I would be at a window trying to count raindrops while inhaling the smell of a storm.

Think of me when you feel like you can’t go on. I give tough love but I love hard. I’m proud of you and I hope my memory gives you courage to rise up.

Think of me when you smell sweet red wine. You will recall how I scrunch my nose when I take my first sniff and then I devour it like it’s a sacred liquid.

Think of me when you go to a movie and the lead is a brunette with more quirks than you can count. You will remember how I hate odd numbers and that I can’t stand to fall into social norms.

Truthfully, I just hope that when you hear my name, that you feel something. Anything. Good or bad. I want to be remembered for who I was and the footprint I left on this earth.

When you hear my name, I hope that it evokes comfort, calm and a smile. 💋

via Evoke


Author: heidikibler

I love words, coffee, truth & you.

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